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A man walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The bartender pulls out a shotgun and points it at him. The man says, “Thank you,” then leaves. Why does he thank the bartender?
The man had the hiccups. The water and being scared by the gun stopped the hiccups.
Two men sitting next to each other order the same drink on the rocks. One man sips on his drink slowly, and the other chugs his drink. Later, the men walk outside, and the man who drank slowly drops to the ground and dies. They order an autopsy and learn that the man died from poison. How could this be if both men drank the same drink?
The ice was poisoned. The man who drank quickly finished before the ice melted.
A man walked home after having been out drinking. He walked down the middle of a deserted country road. There were no streetlights to illuminate the road, and there was no moonlight, and the man was dressed all in black. Suddenly, a car that did not have its headlights on came racing down the road. At the last moment, the driver of the car saw the man and swerved to avoid him. How did the driver manage to see the man?
The man was walking home in the middle of the day, so anyone could have seen him.
Roy Smith wanted a new bar. He was such an eccentric old bar owner that he wanted a bar in which all fours walls faced south. After much thought, the builders managed to construct just such a bar. How did they do it?
They built it at the North Pole.
Mackensey, Alex, Carly, Leslie, Meagan and Charlie like Chocolate Martinis and Pete, Samantha, Trinity, and Victoria do not. Does Quinn like Chocolate Martinis?
Quinn does not like Chocolate Martinis because of only those with initials from A–M like Chocolate Martinis.
Ted likes onions but not olives, tonic water not soda water, and a Tom Collins over a John Collins. According to the same rule does he like tomato juice or orange juice?
Ted likes tomato juice. He only likes words that start with prepositions.
There were two Americans sitting in a British pub. One of them was the father of the other one’s son. How could this be so?
They were husband and wife.
What is the easiest way to throw a bottle of Aviation American Gin, have it stop, and completely reverse direction after traveling a short distance?
Throw it straight up.
If you go to the club and you’re paying the cover, is it cheaper to take one friend to the club twice, or two friends to the club at the same time?
It’s cheaper to take two friends at the same time. In this case, you would only be buying three covers, whereas if you take the same friend twice you are buying four covers.
There are four girls and four bottles of wine in a picnic basket. Every girl takes a bottle, yet one bottle remains in the basket? How is this possible?
The answer is that one girl took the picnic basket. She took the last bottle of wine while it was in the basket.
Someone was murdered at Joe’s Bar & Grill on a Sunday afternoon. The police interviewed the suspects and got their alibis.
Cook: was cutting celery
Manager: was getting mail
Bartender: was filling the beer cooler
Cocktail waitress: was cutting fruit
Paul the regular: was reading the paper
The police arrested the murderer with no problem at all.
Who was the murderer and how did the police know so easily?
The manager. Mail is not delivered on Sunday.
Born in captivity, I need to breathe but am not alive. I can be young or old and can not die.
A six-foot-tall magician holds a beer mug on the top of his head. He bends forward and lets it fall to the ground. When it hits the ground, there is not a spot of beer spilt, How can this be?
The beer mug was empty.